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Written by Hamish Knox; President of Sandler in Calgary, Canada
Creating accountable, sales focused organizations in Calgary
One of the themes of our Advanced Interpersonal Communication Workshop last week was “your number one priority when you are communicating is to create clarity with the other person (people).
One of the attendees asked me how to do that. Following are five simple yet not easy steps to create greater clarity in your interpersonal communication and more satisfying relationships.
1) State what you want out of the conversation up front – the “ah-hah” moment for the attendee who asked “how.” If you want to sort out plans for grandma’s birthday party next week then say that. If you’re calling because a client is 60 days past due on an invoice and you are seeking a resolution say that at the start of your conversation. Keep in mind your tonality and body language carry most of your message so you may say something that you believe is roses and honey and your recipient feels like you handed them a bag of poop.
2) Have an “Equal Stature” mindset – a core mindset in Sandler is “Equal Business Stature,” which is a reminder to our clients that our prospect, regardless of their title, experience, wealth or power, is another human being like us and we have the right as a fellow human to interact with them. Equal Stature goes both ways. If you’re not getting Equal Stature back from the other person you’re communicating with it’s not okay to go into what Bill Simmons calls “eff you mode” and get your emotional needs met by making the other person feel not-okay. Having Equal Stature means that both of you have equal rights to say “no” and to say “yes.” Someone who doesn’t respect your right to say “no” or doesn’t believe in a mutually “yes” isn’t giving you Equal Stature.
3) When you give choices be okay with either one – it’s fascinating to watch one person give choices to another because the person being given the choices doesn’t pick one. They stop to figure out which choice the other person really wants. If you give someone choices (e.g. “want to get pizza or Thai?”) you have to be okay with them picking either one or you’re the bad guy. You’ll need to train the people in your life a little. I used to tag the choices with “I’m good either way” or “I’m okay with either” to take the anxiety of figuring out which choice I really wanted away from the other person.
4) If you want something ask – using the example above, if I really wanted pizza then I’d say “want to go for pizza?” The other person, who I feel is in an Equal Status position, has every right to say “no.” If they do that’s not an attack on me. They may have had pizza already that day. Instead, form a hypothesis and ask a question.
5) Remember it’s “never” about you – well, if you call someone an “ass” or attempt to hurt them or someone they care about then it’s about you. Let’s leave that to the side. What causes a lot of interpersonal communication to go sideways is we react to the other person’s emotions because we perceive that they’re attacking us when really we’re the first person they happened to come across after the real issue popped up and they’re downloading all of their emotions on us. Keep your ego out of the interaction and ask the other person a question like, “my sense is you’re having a bad day, is that accurate?” Asking questions slows down the emotional part of our brain and allows the higher level cognitive functions to take over. You might need more than one question to bring the other person back to an adult-adult conversation. As David Sandler said, “it typically takes three or more questions to get to the truth.”
Those steps work. What I skipped over, because this is an article not a book, is all of the scripts, norms and expectations that prevent us from believing that the other person we’re speaking with is a human being like us and they have every right to Equal Stature like we do.
You won’t change your communication or enhance your relationships until you do something different. If the entire list scares you that’s okay. Pick one of them and practice doing that one daily for 66 days. Then pick another and continue developing your interpersonal communication skills.
Until next time… go create clarity.
Revised & Updated Cold Call Bootcamp
An interactive sales workshop designed to produce results, learn effective cold calling techniques, and overcome call reluctance.
Friday October 27, 2017 from 11:30AM-2:30PM
Click to register online or register by phone on 403-457-1507.
Most sales people hate making cold calls for one of two reasons: They don’t have a system, or the system they have doesn’t work. If this sounds like you or your team, this boot camp may be for you.
Are you…
- Anxious about making Cold Calls?
- Tired of not getting past the Gate Keeper?
- Sick of hearing “Email me some info”?
- Struggling to hit your numbers?
- Frustrated because you don’t have enough appointments in your calendar?
- Irritated because you keep getting stuck in voice mail?
You’ll leave with the tools to…
- Make a no-pressure prospecting call
- Ensure you maintain control during the call
- Develop a customized approach, geared to your business
- Know when and how to leave voice mails
- Understand how to eliminate stalls and objections
Click to register online or call (403) 457-1507 to register by phone.
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